


the little bird that sang and came to say goodbye

by lilacvenus



Series: I saw what a cutie you were the first time I met you [7]
Category: IT (Movies - Muschietti), IT - Stephen King
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Canon Related, Comfort/Angst, Fix-It, Light Angst, M/M, Minor Eddie Kaspbrak/Richie Tozier, Post-Canon Fix-It, Sort Of, it's not terribly sad I sweaaaar, soft, sort of sad but actually nice, they have the chance to say goodbye
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-11
Updated: 2020-07-11
Packaged: 2021-03-05 02:27:01
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,489
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25206937
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lilacvenus/pseuds/lilacvenus
Summary: "You are here." Bill commented more trying to convince himself, Stan smiled at him again and nodded."I'm here," He confirmed. "And now, you are here too."
Relationships: Bill Denbrough & Stanley Uris, Bill Denbrough/Stanley Uris
Series: I saw what a cutie you were the first time I met you [7]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1410295
Comments: 1
Kudos: 25





	the little bird that sang and came to say goodbye

The first thing Bill noticed when he woke up was the feeling of lying on an uneven surface that made him feel a little itchy. He kept his eyes closed, and the second thing he felt was a delicate, warm breeze lightly hitting his face. The place smelled like  _ nature _ , if you can describe the peculiar aroma that way, and it was accompanied by a small sensation of lying his head on something hard. Bill opened his eyes delicately, trying to get used to the sun that seemed to be in all its splendor in the sky. Adapting his gaze to the light, the boy stretched out his arms and yawned. It wasn't until he looked at the place again that reality hit him. He was not in the same place where he had fallen asleep. The last thing he remembers from the day before, was lying in his bed, setting the alarm on the nightstand, and turning off the lamp that was helping illuminate the book he was reading. Now, he was  _ here _ , in a field in which he does not remember ever having been. Bill tried to cover the rays of the sun that were aimed directly at his face with his hand, and his throat let out the biggest panic cry he had ever generated. His hand was  _ thin _ , and  _ pale _ . Just like it was when he was thirteen. Bill looked down and was greeted with a view of his slender legs in his old sneakers that he used to wear as a child because he believed,  _ he swore _ , that they made him run faster. The old shorts that he used at that time because it was summer, also accompanied him, plus the small scratches that his legs had, showing that he was a kid who stayed most of the time away from home.

Bill closed his eyes tightly and tried to calm his breathing. He made fists with his hands and with little effort tore up some grass, holding it between his fingers. It felt so  _ real _ .

Trying to calm down a bit, he reached to two conclusions. He had absolutely no idea where he was, and that was definitely not a dream. It was simply impossible. Bill always used to manage to distinguish perfectly what was a dream from reality, that skill saved him all his life from the nightmares he constantly had as a boy. There were always  _ clues _ . Not so sharp places, blurred things, not being able to read, being able to control certain things like moving something with the mind or trying to fly and achieve it, tightly squeeze the eyes and wake up panting. This didn't feel like a dream, although it was the only logical option his head could come up with.  _ There’s no way in hell _ . It felt so real that it scared the hell out of him. After thinking about it for a long time, he decided that lying down and trying to sleep would be the best solution. Surely that would make him wake up from this dream, yeah, he would try. He stood up and walked to a nearby tree that generated enough shade so that the sun didn't hit him directly.

The boy lay down and closed his eyes tightly, hoping to wake up from this paradise that was now just causing him to panic.

The second time Bill woke up it was due to a small whisper, it came from his right side and as a small buzz, he accompanied him and wouldn't let him sleep.

"Ptssss," It rang from afar. "Ptsss, Bill!" This time the call was heard closer, and the brunet had no choice but to open his eyes, confused.

Eddie was in front of him. But not the last Eddie he remembers seeing, not the one that left everyone heart-broken. It was the Eddie in red shorts and a fanny pack at his waist, and he was smiling to him. The sun's rays settled around him like a halo, as if the boy in front of him was God himself.

"You have finally awakened." Eddie smiled at him again, and Bill found the whole place suddenly familiar. The boy stood and now was sittinh at the grass with his gaze on the little boy.

"Eddie," He commented, almost in shock. The little boy in front of him seemed amused by his attitude. Bill instinctively touched the other boy's face, making him laugh. After realizing it was really him, Bill gave him a hug that would have been awkward if it hadn't been filled with feelings. Bill whispered the child's name a few more times, still not believing that he had it in his arms. As they parted, Eddie smiled at him and playfully tapped Bill's nose with his ring finger.

"Where am I?" He asked, puzzled. Eddie looked at him with a teasing look, and ignored his question. Starting to walk away from the boy, Bill had no choice but to follow him.

"Eddie, where are we?" Bill asked again, finding it strange to hear his voice before puberty hit him.

"Stan said you would understand, I guess he was wrong." Eddie whispered under his breath. Bill stopped feeling his legs and stopped walking abruptly.

"Stan?" The name instinctively left his lips, making his entire body tremble. "Is he here? Where?" Eddie also stopped and rolled the eyes. "Where is he?"

"Sure, your dead best friend shows up in front of you and all you want to know is where Stan is." The youngest just kept moving forward. "You always thinking about that blond, dickhead." His voice didn't sound hurt, it sound more like teasing soBill didn't comment anything about it. A silence invaded them, in which Eddie led them through the small forest as if he knew that place like the back of his hand. Bill wondered how long he would have been there, quickly denying because it was obviously an unreal question, it was just a  _ dream _ .

"Bill," Eddie's voice sounded dubious. "How's Richie?" The boy asked barely in a tiny voice, that it would not have been heard if Bill were not walking so close to the minor.

Bill tripped over a tree branch and fell, managing to place his hands before to avoid hitting his head. Eddie turned quickly, and looked at him. Noticing that he was fine, he began to laugh loudly.

"Eddie, where have you been?" Bill's heart skipped a beat upon hearing that voice. The voice that he had forgotten a long time ago, and that he tried desperately to remember every day. He swears he has heard it in his dreams, but it never felt like now.

Eddie turned away from the boy, and walked to the place where the voice had been heard.

"He's here." He simply answered.

Silence, was all that surrounded them for a while. Bill, when he came back to himself, stood up quickly and turned to where Eddie had headed.

Before taking another step, Stan appeared behind the tree that was hiding him. The two boys looked at each other for a long time, a smile slowly forming on the blond's lips.

The boy ran to Bill and just before reaching him, he stopped abruptly.

"You are here." Bill commented more trying to convince himself, Stan smiled at him again and nodded.

"I'm here," He confirmed. "And now, you are here too."

Bill wanted to hug him, to make sure the boy in front of him was not a product of the countless times he had spent imagining him. But it scared him, he was scared of getting closer and see the boy disappear, he wouldn't bare it. So he just limited himself to smile back.

"Boys! Are you done?" Eddie asked, as he appeared on the scene. Bill stroked nervous his arm, and Stan nodded.

"Come on, we still have time." Stanley commented, as he took the other boy's hand insecurely and pulled him to make him follow.

"So this is real?" The two boys were sitting on the grass looking out at the huge lake in front of them, where Eddie was playing on the shore, too immersed in his own fun.

Stan nodded. "It's hard to explain, but that's the short version."

"It's like being, in paradise?" The boy asked unsurely, and Stan laughed slowly.

"I don't know, I suppose?" The boy leaned back on his elbows, and kept looking straight ahead. “I still haven't fully understood it. I only know that I appeared here at this age and was lucky enough to find Eddie."

"Are there more people here?" He asked, intrigued, with a lump in his throat. "Is Geogie here?" Stan placed a sad look on his face.

"We haven't seen anyone else." He replied. "Maybe we just haven't looked hard enough." He tried to comfort. "But," The boy seemed to regret it, because he didn't continue.

"What happen?" Bill tried to motivate him to finish his thought.

"We've been here for a while, and we have some theories."

"And?" Interested, he waited for Stanley to continue speaking.

"We believe that it is a sort of compensation. As you said, a little paradise for us. But, with had happened the last times and now you being here,” The boy stopped, and Bill took his hand, prompting him to continue. Both of them feeling a tingling touch. "Maybe it's just an opportunity to say goodbye."

Bill was silent for a few seconds, then opened his eyes realizing what it meant.

"So you think you'll leave after this day?" The boy asked worried, and Stan tightened his grip.

"I don't know, nothing makes much sense." He made a small tired laugh. "I just know it can't be forever." Bill's heart ached at the words, he released Stanley's hand and the two of them turned to look at Eddie, who was throwing rocks to the lake.

"He seems to be very focused." Bill commented, Stan rolling the eyes.

"I always hated throwing rocks." The blond confessed, and Bill laughed.

"You hated a lot of things." Assured the boy.

"I never hated you." Stan looked down at the grass below them, and the brunet blushed slightly.

Bill sneaked a glance at the boy next to him, the wind weakly hitting his curlers, making them move slightly. The sun was illuminating his face, and made his golden hair shine. His skin was as always, pale, and now it seemed to glow. Bill believed that he could last all eternity just watching him. Just having him by his side, again. Yeah, that was enough.

The boys continued talking, they did it for quite some time. The sun went down and Eddie joined their conversation. The moon was bright enough, and the boys laughed and kept telling stories as if nothing had changed.

Although he tried, the feelings so intense that Bill had lived that day had exhausted him. So, the boy began to fight sleep, not letting his eyelids to close.

Stan noticed it, and laughed weakly.

"You should sleep, Bill. It has been quite an exhausting day." The mentioned one denied.

"I don't want to." He replied, a lump forming in his throat. "Will you be here when I wake up?" Stan gave him a comforting smile, stroking the hair of Eddie who had given in to sleep a few minutes ago.

"I don't think so." Stan honestly replied. "But, I also don't think it's the last time we'll see each other."

The last thing Bill sees is Stan's face and lips move, but as much as he tries to fight sleep, he can't hear what he says.

The next days become a routine, in which Bill doesn't even feel present during the day, just waiting for the night to come so he can see Stan and Eddie again.

Bill contacts Richie, after a night when playing near to the lake, Eddie took him by the arm and with a worried face told him: “Tell Richie to sleep well, okay? So I can see him again."

"Have you slept well lately?" The brunet asked his friend.

The two were in a café that Bill used to frequent on days when he couldn't sleep. Richie seemed confused by the abrupt change in subject, and hesitated, but slowly denied in the end.

"I have been prescribed some pills, but I haven't bought them." The man admitted. "The last time I slept, I dreamed of Eddie." His voice trembled, and the man squeezed his coffee. "I can't stop thinking about him, the last time I saw him." His voice went off, and he remain silent. Bill understood, and with one hand he squeezed his friend's shoulder, trying to comfort him. "I can't sleep when that image haunts me."

There was a silence that surrounded them, and Richie just took a sip of his coffee, trying hard to think of anything else to calm his nerves.

"Richie, I need you to do me a favor." Bill spoke after a while. "I don't know how to explain it," Richie looked at him puzzled, but didn't interrupt. "But I need you to sleep well, okay?" Richie nodded slowly. “We can go buy the pills now, but I really need you to take them. You need to rest."

"You don't need to worry about me, I'm fine." Richie quickly interrupted, adjusting his glasses, Bill immediately denied.

"You need to sleep well, because it will do you well and you have to see something." Richie frowned,

"What do you mean?" He asked puzzled. Bill did not know how to explain it.

"Just," Bill knew he couldn't put it into words. "I need you to trust me."

The now slightly curly-haired man looked at him for a long time, then nodded.

"When haven't I?" He added, placing a smile on his face that Bill soon returned.

Before Bill opened the eyes, he heard a loud scream come from near where he was lying. He opened the eyes quickly, and stood up. Alert, he began to walk through the forest that looked like something out of a fairy tale, where he had spent the last few nights with his friends.

The screaming continued, and upon reaching where it came from, the boy couldn't help but smile and laugh out loud.

Richie looked up at him, fear still reflected on his face. Bill began to walk the remaining steps that separated them from his friend.

"Bill! What the hell is going on?" Richie made exaggerated movements with his arms. "Why the hell did I wake with thirteen years old? I,” The boy fixed his gaze on Bill and frowned. "What are you doing here?" The boy put on a surprised face, seeming to reason something. "Oh, crap. Is that why you wanted me to sleep?” He approached the boy and took his face in his hands. "It can't be real." He stretched Bill's cheeks and the boy slapped him away. "It can't be you."

"Are you done?" Richie was silent, looking at him. "Come, you have to see someone."

The boys walked through the woods, and Richie complained all the way. Until they reached the shore of the lake, a voice called out to Bill.

"I thought you wouldn't come today, we've been waiting for you." Richie froze, until Stan walked a little further and was also able to notice the boy who was accompanying Bill. "Richie!" The boy with glasses was shocked, until after a few seconds, he realized that only one thing mattered: Stan was there, whether he was real or not. He was there, and he was safe. Richie ran and hugged his friend, starting to shed a few tears.

"Stan! I'm so sorry." The blond, still surprised, returned the hug. "I should have been there for you," Stan denied and pulled away from the hug, taking Richie by the shoulders and making him look at his face.

"Richie, no. Don't say anything like that." The blond smiled at him tenderly. "You need to know that no one could have changed a thing," Bill felt his heart clench. "And it's okay." Stan gave him a hug again. "You're here now, it's all I care about."

The two boys parted from the hug, and Bill looked at them with a smile.

"There is still someone else who wants to see you," Added Bill. Richie was not expecting that comment, so confusion appeared on his face like a common feeling.

Stan smiled, and nodded in agreement. Richie seemed to analyze the situation, and his eyes widened, instantly turning pale and feeling a little queasy.

"No," Was the first word that came from his lips. "It can't be," Before the boy had a chance to get into another panic attack, he was interrupted by a new voice.

"Richie?" The named one stayed still, holding his breath because he had suddenly forgotten how his lungs worked. "Richie!" The smallest ran towards the boy with the glasses, without letting him process anything of what it was happening. Eddie threw himself on him.

Richie was a disaster of tears, while Eddie tried to comfort him and begged him to stop crying.

"Hey, Richie. Everything is fine, calm down." The smaller boy hugged his friend and comforted him. Richie wetting the brunet's shirt, but the boy was just stroking his hair and giving him comforting words.

Bill and Stan looked at them for a while, and after sharing a knowing look they decided to give them their space.

"I'm grateful," Stan commented, as the two of them sat across from the lake and Bill played with the grass around him, pulling at it with his hand without applying enough force to pull it off. Bill placed his curious gaze on the blond, as he continued speaking. "That we have this opportunity, you know. To at least say goodbye."

Bill returned his sight to the front, observed the lake and how the rays of light hitting it seemed to make it shine. Suddenly, a doubt flooded his mind.

"Why only the two of us?" He asked. "The other losers, why aren't they here?" The brunet didn't even notice how he had referred to his old group of friends, as if time had never passed.

Stan was silent for a few seconds, then broke the silence that had formed.

"They were already here." He admitted to the boy in front of him. "Long before you came." Bill opened his mouth in surprise. "It was just as emotional, Bev couldn't believe it was us and Mike cried for quite a while." Stan gave a little nostalgic laugh. "Ben said it was the most beautiful dream he ever had." Stan ran his hand over the grass around him. "You could discuss it with them." Bill nodded, but then thought again about something that made him frown.

"So," Stan fixed his gaze on the boy next to him, and waited for him to finish speaking. Bill's throat didn't allow him to drop the words.

"Why aren't they here now?" Stan tried to help him, and the brunet nodded.

"Why did they stop coming?" He added a question to his uncertainty clearly plastered on his face.

Stan smiled sweetly at him, and let out a small sigh.

"I guess," The boy tore his gaze away from the other minor, and smiled wistfully now. "We have said everything we had to say."

Bill seemed to understand, and a knot formed in his stomach. Reality hit him hard, and he seemed to understand why he was there. He have to let him go,  _ I'm here to say goodbye _ .

"It's like, a way to fix things." Stan tried to explain. "The way we left, the way Eddie and I died. We left everything unfinished and," The boy seemed to be trying to convince himself, rather than Bill. "I guess we had the right to say goodbye, huh?" He tried to motivate the other boy. "To be able to say things that we didn't say." The boy looked down now, and nervously played with his hands. "Set you all free, and set us free." He tried to finish.

"But," Anger seemed to flood Bill's body, "This doesn't fix anything," He commented, suddenly feeling anxious. "This doesn't fix anything!" He repeated, raising the voice. Making his words sound more furious as he continued to speak. "You didn't deserve that!" Bill screamed. "Things shouldn't have ended like that," Bill stood up and Stan followed him. The boy didn't know what to do to canalize all the anger he felt and began to walk to one side to the other, desperate.

"Bill," The blond accompanying him called out, "Bill!" This time, the boy stopped and fixed his gaze on him. "Listen, I know how you feel. But things," The sky began to turn paler, beginning to transform everything around them into a gray and diffuse color. Before Stan could comment further, Bill woke up.

That day Bill was unable to focus on anything else. Richie called him at lunchtime and although the men didn't share more than a couple of words the call lasted more than an hour and a half. Which was a silence of which the two didn't want to pull apart because somehow they found it comforting. In the end, after a short goodbye, the two men hung up and Bill found nothing more interesting to do than wait for the night.

When he opened the eyes, a bright white, almost blinding light surrounded him. The man instinctively placed his hand in front of his face to protect his sight, just as the first time he woke up at the field. He opened the eyes taking his time, and with great surprise, this time he wasn't received with the sight of a thin and pale arm of a thirteen year old boy. He was the same age he had when he went to sleep, but the place was not at all familiar. The man turned to the side, and noted that he was sitting next to a white and fancy sink. Bill, confused, turned everywhere looking for answers but what he saw completely froze his blood.

He couldn't utter a word or a sound because his soul seemed to have abandoned his body. Bill slowly approached the scene in front of him, time seemed to stop. Being close enough, he looked at the pale face of the one who was the Stan he never had the luck of knowing. Horrified, he noted how the water of the bathtub was stained red for the blood spilling out from Stan's wrists. But no pain compared to what he felt when he heard the last words spoken by the blond's lips before he could do anything.

"I swear, Bill."

Bill, even with the pain that he felt in his chest that didn't allow him to breathe, tried to take the other man in his hands but when he tried, his hands, like a ghost, crossed without any problem the body of the dying man. Bill screamed, a sound that seemed to come more from his soul than from his chest. He crawl away from the scene as best he could, slamming his back into the cold tiles of the bathroom.

He started crying, shedding tears like he hadn't before. He didn't know how, nor at what moment, or how long he cried but suddenly thin arms surrounded him and after gathering enough strength, he opened the eyes again. Now he wasn't in that dark room. He was at the same place where he had spent the last few nights with his friends.

Bill hugged back the blond back in front of him with his now pale thin arms and Stan didn't release the grip until the other boy stopped sobbing and tears stopped running down his face.

"When my mom was young, and her grandmother died, she decided she didn't want to see the body in the coffin because she didn't feel strong enough. She told me that she regretted not saying goodbye to her, not having seen her." Stan stroked Bill's hair, and parted from the hug. "I suppose I could have given you a happier time in my life as an adult, but I wanted to share that moment with you." Bill looked at him, still looking confused, but Stan kept talking.

"The last thing I thought about was you." He admitted. "And now you know that," The blond smiled. “And sometimes, things doesn't need or have an explanation. Like when you ask me why I did it, but,” Stan took the other boy's hands in his. "I like to think that some other things do have meaning, and that you were the last thing on my mind has it."

"Stan," The blond denied, and placed a soft kiss on Bill's cheek, still clenching his hands tightly. "I love you, I want you with me. I want you to have the life you deserved and," Stan denied again.

"No, Bill." His name sounded almost like a whisper, the brunet felt it caress his soul. "All I want now is this," Stan smiled at him again, and a single tear slid down his face. “I wanted to see you because I don't want to be just a ghost you have to carry your whole life with. I'm not a suffering soul, Bill. It's not your fault." The brunet couldn't see past the blond boy in front of him, and how he seemed to be swimming through his own tears. “You and I know that even if we could go back in time, I would still be beside you. I would keep supporting you and following you to the end of the world if necessary." Bill placed a crooked smile on his face, and sniffed.

The two boys looked into each other's eyes, and Bill can swear he saw their entire story passed before their eyes.

"Promise me that I will not be just a memory you want to bury," The words rumbled through Bill's body, and traveled through all his senses, flooding him. "The decisions I have made are mine, and you have nothing to do with it." Stan assured. "Promise me that when you remember me, you will smile.

Tears kept streaming down Bill's cheeks like lakes, and he tightened his hold on Stan's hands. After some time, Bill began to moved his head in assent.

"Yes," His voice was raspy, and even when he tried to make it sound secure. Now all around them seemed like a flurry of colors winding them up, and Bill wanted to cling forever to Stan's delicate hands in his, but he knew he had to let go. Knowing in his heart that those were the last words he would address to the blond of his dreams, Bill cleared his throat and with the most sincere smile and the most loving gaze, he replied:

"I swear, Stan."

**Author's Note:**

> hi, i don't know where this idea came from but I really needed it to give them a closure to these lovely characters  
> sorry if something doesn't add up to the original story it's been a while  
> I hope u liked it as much as I liked it to wrote it and well, thanks for reading xx  
> any comment/suggestion is really welcome!
> 
> tumblr: [gazeboslover](http://gazeboslover.tumblr.com)  
> 


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